your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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