I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
