YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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