wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
