bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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