his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
