The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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