So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize