your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
