I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
