did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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