The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize