He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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