I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
