i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
