When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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