I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
