I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
