I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The uberlube is also flammable
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize