I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
