Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
