the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
