Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
