Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
