you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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