I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
