My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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