i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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