Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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