I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
