We're like a lot better than the average bears
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
