I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
