Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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