honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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