Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
