Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize