Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
