it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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