i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i out mim tonsoeep
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