I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All I want is dick and wine.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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