Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
