toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize