Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
