why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
