is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
