Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
