I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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