Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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