I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
