I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
