Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
