Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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