I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
