We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
