apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
