Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You ate ashes out of my bong
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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