It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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