just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
