It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
