Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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