He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
