it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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