I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
