Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
