you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Girls should come with a carfax report
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
