Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You work out of a Hotel?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
