is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize