her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize