Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
