i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
